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2 posts with the stories topic:

How I tried to get a horse nominated for a BRIT award and ended up on Page Three

19 May 2015
4 minutes
stories

I thought I would tell a story about a time I did something very silly and got to watch it blow up beyond all comprehension. At the time I was very worried about either the subject, his fans or the press hounding me so I removed my connection to it. Today I reveal that I am in fact, Stevie Wotsit.

In the UK we have a rapper called Dappy. He is part of a group called N-Dubz, my only memory of them is a song about Facebook. It was bad. Dappy was even worse than that song. Perhaps to make myself feel better about what I did, I’ll point out that he is officially a bastard with a history of doing horrible things like spitting on people, sending abusive text messages and fighting.

One morning I discovered that Dappy had been kicked in the face by a horse. The internet was full of excitement over this. He wasn’t seriously hurt, there were rumours it was cover for a nose-job and.. it was funny.

I spent five minutes creating a petition on Change.org to Award the horse who kicked Dappy in the face for ‘Outstanding Contribution to Music’ at next BRIT Awards. It was...
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The internet bought me a cuddly dinosaur

02 January 2015
11 minutes
silly stories

Many moons ago, I was at the seaside amusements in my hometown of Bournemouth (UK). There was a grabber machine and inside was the most glorious thing I’d ever seen:

Dinosaur

“What is this beautiful green creature?”, I asked myself, “I must cuddle it”. I burned through all my change in an attempt to get it but due to the weight (quality!) of the dinosaur and limp feebleness of the grabber, I was unsuccessful. I returned the next day with more change, and a plan to try and bribe the pimply-faced-youth in charge if that failed, but the dinosaur was gone. It took some research but I eventually discovered it was from the British children’s cartoon, Peppa Pig.

Dinosaur

That’s George, Peppa Pig’s little brother. For the next few months every time I saw a grabber machine, I’d run towards it. Every time I saw a toy shop, I’d explore it, hunting desperately. I would occasionally find the smaller ones (you can buy these on Amazon if you want one, but only third party sellers now!) but my heart was set on the giant one. It was just perfect. I have a slightobsession...
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